Mercy of the court   31/3/2011

Guess it’s preferable to doing a Johnny Cash and singing in a prison.
Any last requests? Judge offers to let Willie Nelson off drugs jail sentence . . . so long as he sings her favourite song in court

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Agony awaits   

There’s a certain toe-rag in this town that deserves to have his nails hacksawed and his digits dipped in caustic soda, his rectum invaded with a star picket wrapped in rusty barbed wire, his testes coated with turpentine, his nasal passages clotted with plaster of paris and his stomach filled with simmering lard. I refer to the son of a camel driver’s whore who stole my bike from Geelong Station this week. It is the third time in 10 years I’ve had a bike swiped and my fury knows no bounds. Of no huge value, it cost $500 about three years ago, it was secured to new bike racks by cable and under CCTV surveillance. The cheeky bastard cut the cable with what seems to be bolt cutters, leaving the cable remains and my helmet on the ground. It’s amazing how attached you can get to a simple conveyance and I was at first incandescently angry then gutted almost to the point of tears.
There is an upside, though. After the previous theft, I upped our contents insurance to include items outside the house and I should be covered. So I went out yesterday and, like Mulga Bill from Eaglehawk, bought a shining new machine.
It’s a Malvern Star, something I’ve wanted since I was eight years old, when my hard-pressed old man bought me a second-hand fixed-wheel rattler from a clearing sale. I detested that back-breaking contraption and kept believing in Santa well past the age of scepticism in the vain hope he would deliver me a three-gear Malvern Star, just like the one owned by the rich kid up the road.
The new bike is locked in the shed until I purchase a satisfactory theft-proof securing device. Any suggestions?

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Roll in the barrel   27/3/2011

How long before sub-editors abbreviate NSW’s new premier to ”Barrel”?
Suits him, particularly if his new duties lead him to bulk up a bit.
And he’s certainly got a tub full of parliamentary seats after Labor suffered possibly the biggest shellacking in Australian political history.
Two significant developments that will have federal ramifications:
Firstly, the Greens have failed miserably, with Labor likely to hold Marrickville against an anti-Israel Greens zealot and Balmain a chance to fall to the Liberals.
Secondly, the Liberals made huge inroads into Labor heartland seats in the Hunter and Illawarra, where coal mining is vital to local economies, signalling that the proposed federal carbon tax could sink federal Labor members.

On latest results the likely winners of the Hunter seats were:
Port Stephens: Craig Baumann (Liberal retain)
Upper Hunter: George Souris (Nationals retain)
Charlestown: Andrew Cornwell (Liberal, Labor loss)
Maitland: Robyn Parker (Liberal, Labor loss)
Swansea: Garry Edwards (Liberal, Labor loss)
Newcastle: Tim Owen (Likely Liberal win, Labor loss)
Lake Macquarie: Greg Piper (independent retain)
Wallsend: Sonia Hornery (Labor retain)
Cessnock: Clayton Barr (Labor retain)

Workers aren’t stupid and will not be willingly thrown on the scrapheap for a hare-brained scheme that Labor’s apologist admits would take 1000 years to have any effect on global temperatures.

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But . . . but . . .   26/3/2011

Bolta wipes the floor with a couple of tax-grabbing global warming alarmists.

Bolt: Are you talking about a thousandth of a degree? A hundredth of a degree? What sort of rough figure?
Flannery: Just let me finish and say this. If the world as a whole cut all emissions tomorrow the average temperature of the planet is not going to drop in several hundred years, perhaps as much as 1000 years because the system is overburdened with CO2 that has to be absorbed …

Bolt: By how much will the world’s temperatures fall if we go to this emissions trading scheme that Julia Gillard recommends?
Daley: Well, it of course depends on what other countries in the world …
Bolt: No, no, just ours, John. I’m just looking at us. Us alone.
Daley: This is a classic collective action problem. If every country in the world looks at how much will their reductions make a difference, the answer for any individual country, even for the United States, even for China, is not that much.

Of course, I would have liked to have asked Flannery the same questions at a government-funded information session yesterday in a nearby hall.
But firstly, I didn’t know the event was on until yesterday. Nothing appeared in the letter box ti alert us to it.
Secondly, it took place at 5pm on a Friday afternoon, when the vast majority of taxpayers in this city would either be at work or commuting home. I was on a V/Line train running its customary 30 minutes late due to government waste in less important areas than public transport.
But then working taxpayers are the last people that climate alarmists want at their gab-fests. They are among those most likely to be sufficiently informed about global warming lies or those just opposed to another unjustified tax. Can’t have them upsetting the propaganda apple cart, can we?
And boy, aren’t the fairy stories getting rolled out as the government gets more desperate to have its carbon tax accepted?

MPs are also urged to warn that extreme weather leads to associated additional deaths.
“Sea levels could rise by up to a metre and possibly even more by the end of the century,” the document says. “Up to 250,000 existing homes are at risk of inundation.
“Climate change will see the average snow season contract by between 85 per cent and 96 per cent by 2050, and disappear by the end of the century.”

Hmmm, such global warming horror stories have been around for 25 years now. Hasn’t stopped Kevin Rudd and Greg Combet buying squillion-dollar beachside manors.
Surely, by now we’d have seen at least a sign of these eventualities? Nah, weather as normal – sometimes hot, sometimes cold, sometimes wet, sometimes dry, sometimes stormy, sometimes calm.
Meanwhile, another European country’s economy is on the rocks after decades of socialism.
If only the rest of the world could be taxed to bail out such poor, well-meaning nations.
What’s that you say, 10 percent of a carbon tax will go to the United Nations?

The Gillard Government is party to a UN agreement which Climate Change Minister Greg Combet entered into in December at a meeting in Cancun, Mexico, under which about 10 per cent of carbon taxes in developed nations will go into a Green Climate Fund.

The lies and obfuscation are bad enough. But what really angers is that these thieving mongrels think we’re mug enough to believe them.

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Silly old pucker   24/3/2011

Hell hath no fury . . .

A love-starved 92-year-old woman in Florida shot up her neighbor’s house after he refused to kiss her, local police said.
Helen Staudinger told police in Marion County that she went over to neighbor Dwight Bettner’s house on Monday and refused to leave without a kiss, police said.
The two argued for several minutes before the jilted Staudinger finally stormed back to her home, pulled out a .380 semiautomatic pistol and fired four shots at Bettner’s house, police said.

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Wiping debt   

Cripes, don’t tell that tax-mad Gillard about this:

Mayor Jim Suttle went to Washington Tuesday flush with ideas for how federal officials could help cities like Omaha pay for multibillion-dollar sewer projects.
Among the items on his brainstorming list: a proposal for a 10-cent federal tax on every roll of toilet paper you buy.

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Vale Liz   

I’ve always felt that obituary writing was tempting fate.

In a twist, the New York Times obituary for Elizabeth Taylor was written by a reporter who is now dead.
Mel Gussow, whose byline appears on the Taylor obit, died six years ago. Gussow was a longtime theater critic and worked for the Times for 35 years. He died at the age of 71 of cancer.

Two things need to be said at this time:
Liz Taylor was a true Hollywood star.
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is one of the worst films I’ve seen. I had relatives I could have visited in the late 60s if I’d wanted to see a couple of middle-aged drunks squabbling for two hours.

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History repeated   20/3/2011

George W. Bush:
MARCH 19, 2003
‘American and coalition forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm Iraq, to free its people and to defend the world from grave danger’…

Barack Obama:
MARCH 19, 2011
‘Today we are part of a broad coalition. We are answering the calls of a threatened people. And we are acting in the interests of the United States and the world’…

Peter Andrew expects to see blinding hypocrisy:

Surely we will see tonight on the national news all the outrage right? All the protests from the anti-war left? Surely there will be loud criticism of this decision to attack another nation that was no threat to our own, riiiiiiiight?
We know the answers. This will be just another time when pro-regressive liberals show their blazing hypocrisy. All military action, even the presence of a military itself, is evil and wrong and expensive when a republican is in charge. How much did the 100+ cruise missiles launched today cost?!

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Clever call   

Yeah, Sarah Palin is dumb and doesn’t know jack about foreign policy.
Well, this seems pretty smart.

Palin told a well-heeled audience of Indian business leaders, professionals and socialites that U.S.-Indian relations were “key to the future of our world.”
“We’re going to need each other, especially as these other regions rise,” she said, in an apparent reference to China, during a Q&A that followed a keynote speech titled “My Vision of America.”
“Free people that make up a free country don’t wage war on another free country,” she said. “I want peace on Earth.”
She questioned the Chinese military’s ascent, saying the Communist country’s stockpiling of ballistic missiles, submarines and “new-age, ultramodern aircraft” seemed unjustified when it did not face an outside threat.

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Clear winner   

It was a lousy day on the punt yesterday until the last at Morphettville when current controversy dictated a $20 wager on the nose for the best-named horse in Australia.
And up it got, paying $5.10.
The win got me out of a hole that was beginning to look as deep as a filthy black coalmine shaft.
Great call here.
It’s by Bel Esprit, sire of the brilliant Black Caviar.

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Not fair   

Every day brings another incident that shows just how ham-fisted, incompetent and unfair is this wretched federal government.
Early this week Christmas Island detainees escaped and protested. So the government rounded up the ringleaders and shipped them to the mainland, where no doubt their applications for residency will be accelerated.
So what do other detainees do in the wake of this illuminating exercise? Why, they riot and burn down their quarters; that guarantees a speedy trip to the mainland.
If Australians were angry about the Gillard government’s lies about a carbon dioxide tax, they are furious about this cave-in to violent illegal entrants.
It’s a rage shared by Artemis Tzakos, whose experience would leave a bleeding heart stammering “but . . . but . . .”

Artemis Tzakos’s family took the long, hard, legal road to becoming permanent residents after fleeing persecution in Iran in 1984.
She is outraged that boatpeople are getting what she calls a free ride on the taxpayer with no documents and dubious stories.
Like many who spent years working and paying taxes without Australian public benefits in the years before being granted permanent residence, Ms Tzakos regards the current regime applying to asylum-seekers as a disgrace.
” People come here in boats, they have no papers, and the government just takes them in,” Ms Tzakos said yesterday.
“Have we done the checks to make sure they were persecuted in their own country?
“They get their health services; everything is paid for . . . where is the fairness in this?”

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As dinkum as a three dollar note   

Having lived and worked in South Australia twice in the 70s and 80s I can honestly say I’ve never heard a croweater speak remotely like Julia Gillard. They’re proud of their non-convict heritage over there and you can still hear plenty of plums in mouths. Even down in Port Adelaide they still go to dahnces and take their chahnces. I’ve always suspected red Gillard’s over-the-top ocker accent was an affectation, aimed at fitting in with the faux revolutionaries at Melbourne Uni in the 80s. As Gillard is such a phoney in other aspects of her life – for instance, pretending to hold middle of the road Labor values when she has never renounced her communist sympathies – it doesn’t surprise to have my suspicions vindicated. Here’s another Adelaidian, Christopher Pearson, in The Australian yesterday:

ON a lighter note, fresh evidence has come to hand on traditional Labor folkways of the late 1980s from Bob Ellis in his book Suddenly, Last Winter: An Election Diary (Penguin Viking).
He recalls a dinner with, among others, Bob Carr and the actor Stephen Ramsey. They were discussing Julia Gillard’s accent and Ramsey, who went to the same high school, said: “I never heard a voice like hers in my six years there. We all sounded like Don Dunstan.”
Carr said: “Gillard’s accent , and I have some knowledge of voice-training, is acquired. It is learned. It is trained. It is the required house accent of Slater & Gordon, solicitors. They all talk like that.”

Could there be anything more pretentious?

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Southern Utopia   17/3/2011

Now here’s a terrific idea from Rosemary, a commenter at Bolt’s blog:

Why not let Tasmania be the petrie dish of Australia. Lets trial all the hairbrained schemes of the Left there first. Shut down industry and manufacturing? No problemo, we can relocate those industries to the mainland. Coal power too dirty? Fair enough, let them rely on hydo-electric instead.Farms encroaching on native bush and livestock adding to the CO2? Well, we’ll harvest the crops and send to the mainland, then plough in what remains, close the farms, and airlift all the farm animals back to the mainland.Open borders and asylum seekers? Sure thing, send them all to Tasmania. Carbon-dioxide tax/ETS? Why not, lets increase the price of everything in the Apple Island. Don’t like military spending? Fair enough, we’ll remove any Australian military forces from Tassie.Fishermen impacting on fish stocks? No problem, we’ll sail all the fishing boats back to the mainland, and the southern oceans will revert to their virginal state.However before we start all this, we send all the Greens/Labor politicians, activists, refugee activists, and socialists to Tasmania – and repatriate any remaining Conservatives in Tasmania back to mainland Australia.Also since we want to scientifically observe what happens in Tasmania the place must be kept isolated – so close down the airports, and have a no sail zone across the Bass Strait. Give the ‘petrie dish’ a hundred years or so and then we’ll check on the results.

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Dignified determination   

Elegant praise – drawn from experience – from Miranda Devine for the Japanese people.

At the height of the tsunami there are no cries of panic, no swearing or exclamations to be heard on YouTube videos, just sounds of dismay as houses and cars glide away under the force of the deceptively slow-moving wave.
Then there is the respectful way rescue workers go about retrieving the dead, with a blessing for each of the bodies removed.
The owner of a sake factory roaming the streets trying to account for all 50 of his employees, and quietly overcome when he finds one.

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Acts of God   12/3/2011

If there is a God, He must don His Crocodile Dundee hat when confronted by global warming alarmists spouting predictions of looming manmade disasters.
“That’s not a disaster,” God would say to unfulfilled forecasts of empty dams, melting icecaps and rising seas.
This is a disaster,” His Eternal Greatness would say, pointing to a 10-year drought, Queensland floods, WA bushfires, Victorian floods, Queensland cyclones, a Christchurch earthquake, a Japan megaquake and for good measure a Pacific tsunami.
“And all my own work.”

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There you go, simple innit?   7/3/2011

We know it will end up costing taxpayers an arm and a leg, but has anyone a clue how this wretched carbon tax is supposed to work?
Alan RM Jones presents an explanation:

Once the money taken by Wayne from the “big polluters” is given back to them by Greg , and to the householders to compensate them for the money the “big polluters” had to give to Wayne and charge to the householders, Wayne will then take more money from the “big polluters” and give it to Greg, who will redistribute it to the… “big polluters” and householders, taking ten per cent along the way, which he will give to Bob who will then give it to that nice man in New York – whose organisation that pays his rent thinks Muammar Gaddafi’s Libya is a beacon of human rights – and so on.
After setting aside some of the money for Mr Gaddafi to help write reports about how naughty Australia is about human rights, the entertainment fund for the Copenhagen jamboree, the Spring Break Cancun carbon offset tab and various Turtle Bay piss-ups and Hollywood hobnobbing, the nice man in New York will then put what’s left of that cash in a brown paper bag and give it to the not so nice man in charge of pick-your-favourite-corrupt-despotically-run-kleptocratic-basket-case-of-a-country.
This simple formula will be repeated over and over again, with the amount of money taken from the “big polluters” growing every year, until everything is so hopelessly expensive that all the nasty “big polluters” don’t have any more money to give to Wayne to give Greg to give to Bob to give to that nice man in New York to give to the not so nice man in charge of pick-your-favourite-corrupt-despotically-run-kleptocratic-basket-case-of-a-country and have to close and move to the land of rattus fornicatio maximus.

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Aerial awe   

The Addy has great Airshow pix:

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Woman’s prerogative?   6/3/2011

Well that’s OK then. There’s not even one token conservative on Insiders this morning, so it shouldn’t surprise to hear nonsense uttered.
Barrie Cassidy actually said Julia Gillard didn’t lie about introducing a carbon tax. No, says the former ALP shill, she changed her mind.

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Thoroughly rotten organisation   5/3/2011

It is baffling why Australia has anything to do with the United Nations. It is nothing but a playground for despots, dictators and terrorists. It was bad enough the UN having Libya on its human rights council, but guess which country it has now accepted on its Commission on the Status of Women.

The UN has quietly made way for Iran to join the global body’s Commission on the Status of Women Friday, just days after very publicly suspending Libya from its Human Rights Council.
The Islamic Republic — which last year sentenced a supposedly adulterous woman to death by stoning and deploys police to harass women not deemed to be sufficiently covered — became one of the commission’s 45 members as part of a group of 11 incoming countries.

Cue deathly silence from the western left over this mockery of human advancement.
Australia’s membership of the UN should be put to a referendum.

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Yes, we remember   

Old hands had a chuckle the other day when this piece of AAP copy turned up on the Herald Sun website:

The country member, whose vote will be crucial if the Government is to pass its carbon price legislation, revealed yesterday he’d received a threatening phone message over his role in developing climate policy.

How could we forget? And plenty of Coalition MPs would be saying it’s on the money.
I do forget who actually came up with this. Legend has it that former National Party leader Doug Anthony described himself in parliament as “a country member” and a Labor MP, possibly Fred Daly or Gough Whitlam, quipped, “yes, we remember”.

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