Heel, Hitler   24/12/2007

This is from the world’s best tabloid, The Sun, so if it’s not true, it’s got to be bloody funny.

A HITLER-loving German has been jailed for teaching his alsatian-cross Adolf how to perform a Nazi salute.
The ex-car salesman, known only as Roland T, trained the dog to raise its paw sharply when he heard the words “Heil Hitler”.
Performing a Nazi salute is illegal in Germany — but Roland boasted of his pet’s talent, even to police.
Adolf is now at an animal shelter while his owner spends five months in a Berlin jail. Staff are attempting to retrain the dog to do a shake-a-paw movement instead of the salute.
Berlin shelter spokeswoman Evamarie Konig said: “We want to stop him raising his leg too high.”
Roland, 58, who says Adolf was born on the same day as the Fuhrer, may not get the pet back.
He was planning to have the animal put down on the anniversary of Hitler’s suicide.

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Off the Christmas list   22/12/2007

Christmas has been banned in Oklahoma.
It comes as no surprise to learn this monumental piece of stupidity has been enacted at a university.

A Midwestern university has mandated “Merry —–mas” as a holiday greeting, banning “Christ” in apparent violation of the U.S. Constitution, according to Liberty Counsel, which works to advance religious freedom and the traditional family.
The events have developed at Southwestern Oklahoma State University in Weatherford, Okla.
“The controversy began when the university’s director of human resources recently visited various departments and said that decorations featuring the word ‘Christmas’ in any areas of the university must be immediately removed,” the organization said. “He also instructed the employees not to say ‘Christmas’ while on the job. As a result the employees cannot respond ‘Merry Christmas’ to other employees or visitors to the University.”

It never ceases to amaze that in this era of technological brilliance and unprecedented global interaction that so many stupidoes rise to positions of influence. It’s moments like this you feel like Jackie Gleason’s Ralph: “One of these days, lefty nut-jobs — Pow! Right in the kisser!”

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He’ll be sorry   

Did you hear the one about the Pommy professor who rode a unicycle to prove that men are funnier than women?
Normally, I’m not interested in stories about masochists.

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Lefties’ nemesis   

It’s not just that Mark Steyn is such a great writer that makes him irresistible. That he gets lefties even more hysterical than usual is a bonus to treasure. Steyn gets the luvvies so cranky because they know they don’t have any pundits that could blow smoke up him for material that’s incisive, irrefutable and so damned funny.
Here’s his Christmas take on the presidential candidates:

In Sen. Clinton’s Christmas message, Hillary is bundling up presents for all of us. They’re beautifully wrapped, but oddly, instead of putting the name of the intended recipient on the gift tag, she’s written out what’s in them: “Universal Health Care,” “Alternative Energy,” “Middle-Class Tax Cuts.” Strange. “Where did I put ‘Universal Pre-K’?” she says. “Ah, there it is.” If you thought Christmas at the mall was too materialistic, this is bonanza time. Message: It Takes A Santa’s Village Staffed By Unionized Government Elves To Raise A Child, and I’m Santa and you’re gonna need a much bigger chimney for all the federal entitlements I’ll be tossing down there. Your stocking’s gonna be packed tighter than Monica in fishnets.

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Let me rephrase that   

I bet Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper had a “wish-I-could-have-another-shot-at-that answer” moment.

When Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper tried to explain in a year-end interview why he’d met the Dalai
Unfortunately, it didn’t quite come out that way.
“I met the Dalai Lama in my office but I meet everyone in my office. I don’t know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he’s not a call girl,” Harper told OMNI television.
He quickly added: “As I say, he’s a respected international spiritual leader

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Check writers   21/12/2007

Don’t you just love it when the bourgeois bolshevik has to make a decision between lefty principles and cash? As they say, follow the money every time.
Particularly in the case of US TV talk hosts Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert who have decided to cross the TV writers picket line in the new year.
As you’d expect, their plans are explained in Emmy-class blather:

In a joint statement, Stewart and Colbert said: “We would like to return to work with our writers. If we cannot, we would like to express our ambivalence, but without our writers we are unable to express something as nuanced as ambivalence.”

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Answers please   

Pat Sajak asks 10 incisive questions that will sit well in the sceptics file.

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Hush puppy money   

You put the money where?

Customer Finds $5,200 in Reebok Sneaker

VERO BEACH, Fla. (AP) — A customer looking for a size 10 pair of sneakers at the Indian River Mall ended up with much more than he expected. The unidentified man found more than $5,200 in cash inside a black Reebok shoe he was trying on Tuesday, according to an Indian River County Sheriff’s Office report.

The store’s accounting department did not find money missing from its safe. Employees believe the shoes had been purchased and returned, The Stuart News reported.

The money has been turned over to authorities.

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Big St Nick   

Country towns that have a giant mascot have always intrigued me. I mean, if you valued your regional or rural community would you really want to be invaded by the sort of people attracted to a giant yabbie or humungous earthworm?
Thankfully, the giant emblem craze is embraced by only a few places here. Among the remnants of the USSR, a whole country has caught huge icon fever.
And for a predominantly Muslim and ex-communist republic, Kyrgyzstan has sure picked a weird giant figurehead — Santa Claus!

Tourism spokesman Nurhon Tadzhibayeva said plans are afoot to hold an international Santa Claus congress in Kyrgyzstan in the summer.
The country also intends to hold annual games in which Santas from all over the world will test their chimney-climbing, sled-racing and tree-decorating skills.

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Cistern chapel   

Some bitter folk say – not me, darlin’ – your life goes down the crapper from that moment. So, this could be apt:

NEW YORK — Here comes the bride, all dressed in white … two-ply, extra soft toilet paper.
Lovebirds Jennifer Cannon and Doy Nichols of Lexington, Ky., plan to get hitched Wednesday in a public restroom. She’ll be wearing a gown fashioned from glue, tape and Charmin Ultra Soft and Ultra Strong toilet tissue.

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Marked man   

Remember that fine old jest that punchlined with: “Welcome to beautiful Barbados, have a nice day”?
Here’s a guy who wouldn’t find it funny:

The tattoo on strip club owner Sean Dubowik’s penis reads: “Hot Rod.”
Dubowik, 27, who was in hospital for a gallbladder operation, says he got the tattoo on a bet, describing it as “the most horrible thing I ever went through in my life.”

is not happy that his trademark has been digitally captured, so to speak.

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It wasn’t a crock, after all   

This pic did the rounds a few months back and consensus at the time had it as a photoshop creation.


Turns out it was a factual representation. Well, according to this extremely credible source, anyway.

After being shot at twice, but apparently unhit, the croc dropped the arm. After seven hours of surgery, doctors successfully reattached the appendage, shown at bottom on a smiling Chang on April 12.

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Fragile China story   

Lump in the throat stuff for us mushy old sentimentalists:

Over 50 years ago, Liu, was a 19 years-old boy, (who) fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu. At the time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.
To avoid the market gossips, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing area.

Read on.
It’s a delightful tale.

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Green and guilt-free   19/12/2007

I’m off next week on the filthy, diesel fume-spewing train to spend Christmas in the south-west. This handy certificate should assuage any greenhouse gas guilt triggered by the trip.

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And a “mas and” to you, too   

Season’s greetings from a commenter at Bolt’s blog:
I read with interest the other day that is no longer acceptable to send cards saying “Happy Christmas and New Year”. The accepted alternative is a card saying “Mas and”.Apparently “Happy” is offensive to those who aren’t.”Christ” obviously is offensive to non christians.”New Year” is offensive to those who don’t share our calender.So in that spirit, “Mas And” everyone.

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The rational case   18/12/2007

When the Rudd government announces crippling carbon taxes to meet the cost of spurious global warming emmission targets, the vast majority of previously uninterested, uncommitted Australians will demand to know what the truth is with this issue.
Rest assured the socialist government will spend squillions disseminating its version, so rationalists will need coherent explanations to give the masses the truth.
This piece by Barry Maley in today’s Australian succinctly puts the sceptic’s case on manmade global warming. Worth filing as a reference.

For months – for years – the Australian public has been subjected to an avalanche of fantastic forecasts about the future of the world climate and its vicissitudes. A sober authority, the British High Court, has recently found no less than 11 inconvenient untruths in Al Gore’s brilliantly misleading film. A formidable and increasing body of knowledge shows many claims that have been uncritically accepted to be so deeply flawed that no rational government could seriously base any action on them.
Government and media have acquiesced in the dissemination of fear-mongering along with abuse and intimidation levelled at those who have sought to raise a dissenting voice. Eminent and respected scientists and the writers who make known their findings have regularly had their motives impugned when they have spoken out in protest.

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Sorry affair   15/12/2007

There’s been a change of heart around here. Yes, there should be an indigenous apology. A heart-felt apology and compensation should be extended to this mite and others like her who have been victims of elitist racism.
Their plight can be blamed squarely on stupid urban socialists who would sentence one section of society to an apartheid-style of ‘noble savagery’ separation instead of encouraging that sector into the mainstream.

Finally, in 2005, frustrated that the girl was making little progress, the department placed her with a non-indigenous foster family in Cairns, where she remained for almost a year.
All reports show this was an inspired placement. The family had another foster child, and this little Aboriginal girl appeared to be fitting in well. She was attending school, and the father took a year off from his public service job to give her constant supervision because he and his wife saw there was a little person worth saving hidden behind all that confusion and grief.
But in May last year, a distant relative in Aurukun died and the girl’s blood family said it was culturally imperative she return to attend the funeral. Department of Child Safety representatives were advised and the child was put on a plane for the hour-long trip to the community, where she was met by her aunt and grandmother.
During the course of the next six weeks the girl was gang-raped by nine males, but was also raped on at least six other occasions. And yet no adult reported the matter.

Of course, my version of sorry is different to earlier demands for a national apology: in this case, those responsible are still with us; and still recommending and formulating government policy.

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Guardian angel   8/12/2007

This was the Pisser of the Week in media news.

AS Fairfax Media staff took in the surroundings on Wednesday at their new offices in inner-Sydney Pyrmont, they had an uneasy feeling they were being watched.
The floor-to-ceiling panels, installed overnight, appeared to be more than just artful lines topped with crazy lettering to mark each section of the office. But it was hard to make out the image.
Eventually, an artist cracked the code. The giant glass panels featured a photograph of News Corporation Chief Executive Rupert Murdoch – Fairfax’s arch rival and publisher of The Australian.


Now, journalism has its own variation of Murphy’s Law: If something can go wrong, designers will do it.
A headshot of George H instead of George W — leave it to the art dept; copy splattered with greengrocers’ apostrophes — yep, that’s the Indesign jockeys. So this didn’t surprise in the least: “It seems that the designer wanted a media image and picked one of Murdoch, thinking he was Fairfax’s owner,” a newsroom source said. The Australian newspaper carried a similar theory.

Still, a determined commenter over at Tim Blair’s is clueless about Australian newsrooms and is going for a conspiracy over a stuff-up. As if. Conspiring with journalists? Safer to smooch tiger snakes.

How does a “stuff-up” like that occur. Do Fairfax management make some habit of ordering large pillars with Rupert Murdoch on them and this time they accidentally got placed in the newsroom. Did they order the Warwick Fairfax pillar from Pillars Express and not check carefully before they put them up?

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Pathetic response   

This piece, on the fragility of western culture in the face of an expanding muslim youth demographic, is vintage Mark Steyn: Forensic, convincingly argued and as always, thoroughly entertaining.

We are witnessing the end of the late 20th- century progressive welfare democracy. Its fiscal bankruptcy is merely a symptom of a more fundamental bankruptcy: its insufficiency as an animating principle for society. The children and grandchildren of those fascists and republicans who waged a bitter civil war for the future of Spain now shrug when a bunch of foreigners blow up their capital. Too sedated even to sue for terms, they capitulate instantly. Over on the other side of the equation, the modern multicultural state is too watery a concept to bind huge numbers of immigrants to the land of their nominal citizenship. So they look elsewhere and find the jihad. The Western Muslim’s pan-Islamic identity is merely the first great cause in a world where globalized pathologies are taking the place of old-school nationalism.

Regardless of where you sit politically, these are points worth discussing and it’s a disgrace that academia and media are not engaging in robust debate on such matters.
It’s ironic that Steyn’s brilliant prose, more frequently than the output of any other rationalist writer, attracts the shallowest of criticism from luvvies corner: he’s repeatedly called an extreme right-winger, a fascist, a nazi, all those desperate slurs from the supposedly clever classes.
Read the piece and then weep at this response:

Four students at Toronto’s Osgoode Hall Law School are accusing Maclean’s magazine of violating their human rights over an article titled The Future Belongs to Islam.
They’ve filed complaints with the federal, Ontario and British Columbia human rights commissions over the October 2006 article.

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Healing hands   

Well Joe, if you’re gonna get wounded let’s hope this is your medic.

She’s got her own blog.

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