Mount your men   30/6/2004

QUOTE of the day from 3AW breakfast funster John Burns, ruminating on the starting formation for Greco-Roman wrestling: “If your dogs did that in the park, you’d be most embarrassed.”

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Scarce commodity   28/6/2004

Nicolas Rothwell is a rarity; a reporter who writes eloquently about the subject at hand, rarely letting his own opinion mar the narrative. His pieces for The Australian over the past two years about the squalor, struggles and failed policies in remote Aboriginal settlements are required reading for anyone wanting a clear picture of the patronising destruction wrought by urban do-gooders.
Oz editor Chris Mitchell has had the good sense to send Rothwell to Baghdad to file accurate, non-polemical accounts of life in post-invasion, nation-building Iraq. Rothwell tells of the fear, violence, complex politics and gritty optimism that permeates the post-Saddam era.
Excerpt:

Ahmad, a businessman running a music shop, knows where he stands. “We have our own government now – we can work, and at last after the years of Saddam Hussein, we can rest our minds,” he says.
Close by, street sellers hawk newspapers bearing not just the bleak tidings of recent days, but also the pledges of the political parties, rallying round interim prime minister Iyad Allawi in his pledges of security.

Rothwell’s assignment and the publishing of Christopher Hitchins’ demolition of obese liar Michael Moore suggest Murdoch’s Australian flagship is re-embracing quality journalism. If they’d just give the cliche-spouting, untalented Bill Leak the arse, I’d be inclined to renew my subscription.

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On his Todd   27/6/2004

The redoubtable Todd McKenzie has taken the giant step forward and will stand for the Nats against the simpering Wayne Swan in the seat of Lilley at the upcoming Federal election. Be a Pal and Pay him some expenses.

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who’da thunk it   

Such incisive wit, such a grasp of historic parallels, such a gigantic intellect has The Australian’s cartoonist Bill Leak. To compare John Howard with Hitler and Australian schoolkids with Hitler Youth is so stunningly original and so deeply thought through. You’d have to go a long way to find similarly brilliant artistic expression combined with razor-sharp public comment — like at least as far as the back wall of the undergraduate dunnies at Wagga Wagga TAFE.
cartoon.jpg

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Listened to the music   26/6/2004

There’s plenty of rockin’ left in the ole yella dog. Wallace tells of a joyous night with the Doobie Brothers. Got me damned envious.

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blind leading the blind   25/6/2004

Don’t you love the way pseudo-socialists hate capitalism yet show scant knowledge of their sworn enemy’s practices.
Mad Margo was on 3AW yesterday touting her paranoid rant and displaying a mind like an irradiated pinball, jumping from one confused assertion to the next, punctuated with every half-baked Marxist cliche ever mouthed.
This morning Wee Willy Wilkie was on the same program, flogging his tome about the evils of the Howard empire as deduced by a minor functionary in the nation’s security apparatus.
Not quite as rabid as the margoild, but roos loose in the top paddock nonetheless.
What’s amusing is that both are singing to the same choir and by releasing their bum-wipers in the same week show as much knowledge about marketing as the Soviet People’s Potato Board. In other words they’re not much threat to their enemy when they can’t even make a piss-poor effort of copying it.

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pearls before swine   

Reckon this toon should become as ubiquitous as the golden arches. Lid dip to Habib who got it from Midwest Pundits:

dday.gif

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Hero and villain   

Take John Ray’s advice and read this account by a courageous young man all the way through. Intelligence, determination and courage will beat academic totalitarianism every time.

Ted Lapkin rips Pilger to shreds in a dynamite piece in The Australian today. Although anyone who saw pathetic Pilger on Lateline a while back would agree the creep makes it look like all-year-round sitting duck season.
Excerpt:
Thus, when Jones inquired: “So Australian troops you would regard in Iraq as legitimate targets?” Pilger responded with an elusive, “Excuse me, but that’s an unbecoming question”.
Unbecoming? Why? What could conceivably be improper about a request that asked Pilger to clarify his position on a matter about which he had already spoken at length? In fact, far more unseemly was the evasive manoeuvre that demonstrated Pilger’s unwillingness to show the courage of his otherwise loudly expressed convictions.

Lapkin finishes with a telling point that should silence those lefties who claim there’s no bias from our public broadcasters.

In the corridors of power where policy is made, Pilger is dismissed as an utter non-entity whose extremist perspectives have never gained serious political traction. And this, of course, gives rise to the question how anyone with such an incredible outlook is afforded any credibility by Australia’s public broadcasters.
Yet, whenever Pilger produces another documentary, it invariably winds up on Australian TV screens, courtesy of the ABC or SBS. By broadcasting his factually-challenged films, our public broadcasters are inevitably providing Pilger’s oeuvre with a stamp of respectability that it does not deserve. And by so doing, the ABC and SBS taint themselves, yet again, with the perception of partisan left-wing partiality, further alienating themselves from the majority of Australians whom these networks are chartered to serve.

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jacko’s joint   24/6/2004

Strange Cosmos where I lifted this pic, captioned it ‘Michael Jackson’s favourite museum’.

jacko.jpg

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Cap that!   23/6/2004

Someone wrote to The Australian the other day claiming that years ago Phillip Adams appeared on TV wearing a green Mao cap with a red star on it.
Adams sensed a chance to write a column about his favourite subject — himself — and wasted several hundred words denying the claim.
Today, possibly the funniest letter ever written to an Australian newspaper adds to the controversy:

Mao cap a footnote in history
23 June 2004

PHILLIP Adams did wear the Mao hat (Opinion, 22/6). A few of my mates got together and agreed he wore it. We wrote several books on the subject, just don’t check the footnotes for verifications of time and place for said hat wearing.
Anyway, it’s irrelevant if he wore the hat or not because the cap fits so he should wear it.
If that sounds ludicrous or unfair, forgive me on two counts.
Firstly, I’ve been reading postmodernist Australian history and I’ve learnt that one shouldn’t let facts spoil a good fabrication.
Especially when there is a grievance industry to support.
Secondly, what can he expect, as Phillip says non-lefties are just “rabid, venomous, hateful right-wingers”. Ouch!
Oh well, as eminent historian Lyndall Ryan says, “Two truths are told, is only one truth correct”. Therefore the hat was worn.
Have to go, my neighbour is knocking on our common dunny lane access door, must’ve left the keys with his sick mum, better let him in.

Steve Atkins
Darlington, NSW

Not hard to suspect the hand of a Bunyip-inspired Sydney Orr undergraduate here?

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The Leader has spoken   

Never have truer words been written:

“Too many ALP activists are now willing to excuse or rationalise away bad behaviour, such as juvenile crime, welfare fraud and illegal immigration.”

Furthermore:

“In my experience, the strongest supporters of the rights agenda are those who do not have to face the daily consequences of irresponsible behaviour. They have the resources to buy themselves away from social problems, to purchase private security, private education, private health insurance and private transport. This gives them the luxury of being able to talk about human rights without the need for social responsibility.”

The author? Mark Latham, in a letter to John Robertson, secretary of the NSW Labor Council and convener of Labor for Refugees.
From Janet Albrechtsen’s sizzling column in The Australian today.
I’d be interested in Labor supporters’ comments on this.

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It’s all happening here at Beijing   21/6/2004

Zenmeyang! It’s Chinese for Howzat! And according to The Telegraph the universal cricket appeal could soon be resounding throughout the world’s largest national populace.
China’s government has launched a drive to make the country a world force in cricket. It is determined to reach the top rank of the game within 20 years.
As the piece says, bowling a Chinaman becomes an entirely new concept.
Hat-tip to Norm.

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Unhappily ever after   

Thanks to John Ray for fairy tales for our times.

The Three Little Pigs: There were once three little pigs. The first little pig built his house out of straw. But the big bad wolf easily knocked it down. Then he ran to the 2nd pig’s house which was made out of sticks. But the wolf came there and knocked it down too. Then both pigs ran to the American pig’s house which was made out brick. When the wolf came there, the American pig pulled out a gun and blew his stinking head off. Afterwards, both little pigs who lost their houses started building their houses out of straw again. When the American pig asked them why, they accused the American of being an “arrogant jerk” and of “acting unilaterally”. But they secretly knew the American would always save them, just like he did in WW1 and WW2 so they could afford not to be prepared. The Moral of the Story: Even though Americans are helpful, they’re real creeps!

More here.

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Vale Crispy   20/6/2004

I have grounds to remember fondly former Tasmanian Premier Jim Bacon, who died today.
After leading Tasmanian Labor to a landslide win in 2002, reducing the Liberals to an insignificant minority, my news editor selected a report accompanied by a pic showing a jubilant Bacon in a celebratory cuddle with his wife, Honey.
Which prompted the Slatts’ headline:
HONEY, I SHRUNK THE LIBS!

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Dangerous fools   

Thanks to idiots with just enough brains and qualifications to be dangerous, this kid will be able to turn around in a few years and sue authorities for allowing this:
A 14-YEAR-OLD Melbourne boy has won a divorce from his mother.
Authorities have granted Peter Lonsdale the split on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.

Suppose we can take consolation that it couldn’t happen in some sections of the community. It would be stealing the children, wouldn’t it?

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Racist decision   18/6/2004

Sorry, I know this seems like the utterance of a hyperbolic, extreme lefty, but it has to be said: an Australian court has made a racist ruling!

AN Aboriginal man who broke into and ransacked an elderly couple’s home has had his jail sentence reduced because of his race.
The Court of Criminal Appeal yesterday upheld Darren Luke Clarke’s appeal against his sentence, which he claimed was “manifestly excessive” and failed to “give weight to his Aboriginality”.
Justices Ted Mullighan, Margaret Nyland and Tim Anderson yesterday agreed his Aboriginality was “a relevant matter”.

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on what??!!   16/6/2004

Reckon a certain sub at The Australian would have a twitchy bum today.
That’s the one who composed the front page pointers that trumpeted from the left side of the banner — PAUL KELLY ON BUSH AND LATHAM; on the right side — DICK MORRIS ON THE EURO-REVOLT; and regrettably in the middle about someone who doesn’t take kindly to slurs — JANET ALBRECHTSEN ON DRUGS.
UPDATE:
I was thinking this could be a way for The Australian to add a bit of their writers’ ideosyncs to the paper’s pointers:
You could have FRANK DEVINE ON THE PISS; IMRE ON MARS; JAMES MORROW ON 24 HOURS NEWS TV; PATRICK SMITH ON THE WING; MICK DAVIS ON THE TENTH TEE; TIM BLAIR ON THE ROAD AGAIN; and EMMA TOM ON HER BACK.

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Hamsters cover the whole wheel   

This was posted at Free Republic;

From a Yahoo board:

I am John Kerry.
I was against the Iraq war, but I voted for it. Now I’m against it but I was for it. I support the UN. I’m against terrorism and against Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war.
I’m against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but think the SF mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait, gay unions.
I’m Catholic. Wait, I’m Jewish. My dad was Jewish. But I was raised Catholic. What am I? I don’t want to confuse people.
I am for abortions, but wait, I’m Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life. But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, maybe, but I’m not sure.
I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam. I testified against fellow US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same. But I am a war hero. Against the war.
I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover. But now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it. But sometimes we fly upside-down.
Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman. The Israelis shouldn’t kill Palestenian terrorists, but they should stop terrorism. Yasser Arafat is a terrorist supporter. I support Mideast peace.
I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich. But my family is worth 300 million dollars. I am the common man.
I am John Kerry

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love, love tofu   

Paul McCartney personifies old hippy “tolerance”.
The St Louis Post Dispatch reports that McCartney is performing without Wings. Or thighs. Or drumsticks. Crew members on the set of the singer’s concert are up in arms because the staunch vegetarian has banned the eating of meat by anyone working on the tour.
According to another report, he won’t even allow crew to wear leather belts or shoes.
Just begging for a barrage of meat pies.

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“I’m with the Guardian, I don’t need that”   11/6/2004

Good of the Guardian to remove any shadow of doubt that they employ self-obsessed idjits.
Elena Lappin was contracted by the rag to fly to LA to do some interviews. Apparently this chronicler of matters of worldwide importance was unaware that among necessary security upgrades since 9/11 had been a requirement for visiting journalists to have a journalist’s visa. She didn’t get one.
In other words, she breached security and like a handful of arrogant media tossers before her, was held in custody until her security situation was clarified. It’s the ego of these fuckwits that astonishes me. I mean, there’s not much chance of this grizzled old hack flying into LAX in the next few months. But if I had and had not checked the journalists’ visa requirements, which has been pretty well covered in the worldwide media, I’d be most ashamed of my stupidity and would hardly rush to expose it in print.
“I had inadvertently declared that I was not entering the US as a representative of foreign media”!!!!! ???? Lappin whines.
Gheebus, I’d hate to edit her copy without a battery of fact-checkers. Treating “inadvertently” in the nicest possible way, I can accept that the ecstasy kicked in at the wrong time and Elena didn’t know what she was doing. Or else she’s a liar and possible a security risk. Or most probably she’s a spoiled, self-centred, lazy hack who always has to blame someone else for her mistakes.
I recall there was one here in Oz a few months back who got detained at LAX for several hours because she didn’t have the right working visa. I think it was the editor of dumbed-down glossy, New Idea.
Not in the least concerned that the average person might consider her a right dill for not arming herself with the latest visa arrangements in a fluid security situation, this editor went all over the media whining like a Chev truck diff about invasion of her privacy.
She trades on the fact that she’s a journalist and then complains because she didn’t bring herself up to date with the latest information.

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