Aussie ingenuity   30/8/2003

An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands.
He walks in a bar and Jill, (the Australian barmaid) takes his order a schooner of tooheys and notices his Australian accent.

Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite a bit. At the
end of the night he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and
have sex with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her
$200 for the dirty deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is
short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again orders another tooheys and after
showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she
will sleep with him again for $ 200. She figures in for a penny in for a
pound – and it was fantastic the night before – so she agrees.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he just orders his tooheys and goes and sits in the corner.
Jill ( a little disappointed ) thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention, and maybe she can skank some cash out of him so she
goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he
tells her Melbourne.

” So am I…” she says. “…What suburb in Melbourne?”
“Glen Iris” he says. “That’s amazing…” she says, “…so am I -
what street?” “Cameo Street” he says. “This is unbelievable…” she
says, “…what number?”
He says “Number 20″ and she is astonished.
“You are not going to believe this…” she says, “…I’m from
number 22 and my parents still live there!”
“I know…” he says “…your father gave me $1,000 to give to you!”

He who drinks Australian – thinks Australian!

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Wet trackers day   

Given that it’s bucketing down spasmodically and galing at a force fit to lift a dog from a chain, only a fool would venture an investment on a racehorse today.
Duh, caarrn the Blues!!!
Well, Magic Mick’s confident and given his accurate prognostications last week,I’m sticking with him. Here’s his advice:
Today ABDULLAH (race 4, No.9) should win. Stick with SUPER ELEGANT (Race 5, No.4) each-way and EL NINO (Race 7, No.4) each-way.

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Worm regrets   25/8/2003

Apologies to anyone who has received an email from Angus and Robertson, confirming my order of the book Blaming Ourselves (Good read for RWDBs). Seems the Bugbear is lurking and is attaching random address book entries to this message — which must be nearly two years old and sitting in Old Data. Thanks to Rich the Dude, I’m downloading some worm toxins that should eradicate the pest. Frigging hackers! As Kamahl would say: Why are people so unkind?

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Yes, a drongo has a connection to Horseracing   24/8/2003

It had to happen and I’ve got no one to blame but myself. Slept in yesterday morning and with a number of chores on the board didn’t get around to even scanning the turf sheets, let alone opening my email tips from stable lurker Mick Manley.
I checked them out this morning to find that had I just taken the time to take Mick’s advice, I’d be rolling in lucre today.
Here’s Mick’s advice:
The best today on an each-way basis are Naden (Race 4, No.5) – take in exacta with Acee Deecee (Race 4, No.16) plus Royal Sash (Race 7, No.9) – Converge should win the sixth race.
Here’s the Tabcorp results:

NADEN $7.20 $2.70
9 ROYAL SASH $2.40
CONVERGE $3.30 $1.50
Now, had I invested my usual $10 each way, I figure I’d have collected around $150 at the Lucky Shop.
But then, as they say, If my auntie had bollocks . . .

The important lesson to take from this is that after an average spell, Magic Mick, is back among the winning. And he usually stays that way for a while. Remember the class races are coming up, so the form horses are more likely to run truly.
Return to this site next Saturday morning to find chaff burners worthy of consideration.

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Acidic   22/8/2003

Here’s something new in Bloggerdom, The Lemon. Funneeee!! Imagine Mad Magazine wandering into Photoshop.
Dipping me Lid to Bargarze

comic_news2.gif

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Ahaa! That explains it.

LifeExplained.JPG

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on deck   

Great Scott!! He’s back. Must be the prospect of the Crows belting the Roos tomorrow that has Scott Wickstein returning refreshed and upbeat from self-imposed exile. He’s got a redesigned blog and is waxing thoughtful and eloquent.

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Bill’s back and glittering   

If you like to see ideas rolled out beautifully like diamonds on silk, find time over the weekend to read Bill Whittle’s essay on responsibility as the handbrake of freedom. Trees must be mulched to give Bill permanency.

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shame day   21/8/2003

So it’s again come to this in Australia — political prisoners.
Suppose the ”progressive” elites had to have a victory of sorts sooner or later and Howard, having plundered Pauline Hanson’s political motherlode, would be happy to have her out of the way.
Off the radar she would not be constantly reminding everyone that she was the first national figure to voice the mainstream’s detestation for political correctness, its offence at reverse racism and its worries about laissez-faire immigration and illegal ”refugees” further depressing low-level earnings.
It’s history now that Howard, brilliant politician that he is, addressed these concerns in a comforting, albeit more sophisticated manner, and won back conservatives drawn to Hanson. With his appeal to the “battler” he also lured plenty of ex-Labor working class voters who could not in a million years identify with the shonky mob of academics, lawyers, media pigs, feminazis and shiny-arsed suits who now run their once-great party.
As a potential politician, Hanson was brilliant at capturing attention, the perfect foil for sneering ”sophisticates” who so amusedly knew what xenophobia meant, but so conceitedly didn’t recognise their own bigotry. Or that recipients of their scorn would only take heart from it.
As a practising politician Hanson was hopeless. Her policies sprang from the heart but like many populist mantras, would have been impossible to implement. Rebuilding protection barriers, deporting criminal migrants, enforcing assimilation — simple stuff for simple believers. No surprise therefore that a socialist thread ran through One Nation’s hotch-potch of impracticality.
But proving that hate is the strongest motivation in Australian politics, and that despite the long-ago departure of Joh Bjelke-Petersen politicans can still get whatever they want in Queensland, Hanson has been sentenced to three years jail.
For what? Corrupting the democratic process, a Queensland practice as common as palm trees. Actually when you consider branch-stacking, a heinous distortion of democratic principles, it’s a national rot.
Hanson’s handful of loyal supporters prepared to speak out are saying she was naive or stupid and wouldn’t have thought she was doing anything wrong. They say she was duped by the chancers Ettridge and Oldfield. When the Electoral Commission demanded refund of electoral expense funding because One Nation had submitted names of supporters, not members — which to the non-legal, non-political mind, makes not a lot of difference — Hanson returned the $500,000, so there is no question of self-benefit.
She’s appealing and in the absence of an overturn and in view of the outcry from all sorts of unexpected places, it would not surprise if the sentence is changed to non-custodial.
Regardless, plenty of people are of the opinion an Australian political figure has been found guilty and put in jail on a technicality while far more corrupt MPs still slouch on their benches.
But it certainly has got rid of a thorn in the side of politicians and their lackeys who pretend at democracy.
Ironic isn’t it? The most populist of all popular MPs gets locked up at the same time that media elites declare that debate of a critical social issue such as capital punishment should be stifled because the hoi-polloi might carry the day.
Anyway, La Hanson’s likely to come out of this rejuvenated and under a halo of martyrdom, ensuring a pyhrric victory to the ”progressives”.
And that’s on top of resounding defeats on the republic, illegal immigrants, black armband reconciliation, the US alliance, participation in Iraq, ABC bias, all reflected in the “death spiral” at The Age.
Heh-heh!

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Now listen here, youse   

Matthew Hayden (not the cricketer) has picked up on Janet Albrechtsen’s advocacy for a bill of obligations, rather than a bill of rights.
Further Matt says it should be in language every Aussie can understand. It’s a humdinger.
“Right, so the first thing you gotta do is realise that you are an individual first, not a member of a group. Got that? Not a bloke, not a chick; not a whitey or an ethnic; not a breeder or a poof. You’re you. If the more delicate amongst you want us to describe in tight-arsed ol’ PC terms, then put it this way: You’re all a minority of one.

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His, um, excellency   20/8/2003

Paul Custance, St Kilda, writing in The Age today provides the topical chortle of the week:
Sydney to Hobart on the Queen Elizabeth – the Butler did it.
Another reader makes a sound point about why a boofhead who has lived in 20 countries but hardly ever visited Tasmania should be appointed governor. Apparently Premier “Eggzn” thinks that nobody among the half million Tasmanians is up to the job, the reader suggests.
Tassie comment welcome.
Dickhead’s new job brings to mind an amusing ponder by comedian Steven Wright:
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?

And can’t governors be disappointed? (Without the oxygen of national publicity this one will be disappointed according to one definition. And if he gets the attention he’s craves, he’ll quite possibly qualify for the other definition). And isn’t it about time politicians were devoted and nuns again became creatures of habit? And no one can argue that former Swan Rod “Tilt” Carter was overdue to be delisted.
Come on, entries welcome.

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mauler makes sense   19/8/2003

Wipe the froth from his mouth and ALP leader in waiting Mark Latham makes sense.
In The Age today he laments the depersonalisation of society and suggests we need to return to village-style communities.
He points out how hard it is to build trusting relationships in a globalised environment if we do not have a strong inner core of trust and social capital in our local neighbourhoods. Latham asks: How can we trust in strangers and answer the call of globalisation if we do not even know the name of our next-door neighbours?
And here’s something that will strike terror into the hearts of Labor apparatchiks who slavor for control of social programs:
I do not necessarily want to see people campaigning for better services; I want people to be running them – the community housing, the community banks, the civic education, the parks, the recreation programs.
Latham advances the case for lifelong learning facilities, ”edge cities” (reborn towns or suburbs with soul, presumably), the return of non-commercial sport and true, active involvement by the corporate world in community affairs.
Latham’s killer quote:

If we do not have strong community life and if we do not have a deep and active democracy, it is much easier for elites and minorities to take control of the system – for the system to be run by the few instead of the many.

Gawd, I’d swear he was reading from the John Howard manual for successful government.
In fact, I reckon the Mauler is looking at life from over the white picket fence. And good luck to him. Another step down the road to irrelevance for the chattering classes.

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Butler’s done it   

Richard Butler has to be the greatest hypocrite since Bible-quoting, feminism embracing, employee-respecting Bill Clinton.
Butler on Australia: “I found that as Australia unfolded under John Howard, it was a place I did not particularly want to live in.”
On the US decision to go to war against Iraq: “It will be seen as American Imperialism rather than an effort by the United Nations to keep peace and security.”
And here’s the money quote – on Australia becoming a republic: “This is what is at issue: to send a signal to the rest of the world that we are no longer in any way, shape or form a British colony.”
Butler, the former United Nations’ chief weapons inspector in Iraq and before that Australian ambassador to the UN, has accepted appointment to the British Colonial Office’s hand-me-down position of Governor of Tasmania.
The job pays more than $200,000 a year and comes with a tribe of vice-regal lackeys, a beautiful old sandstone Government House and a demanding set of duties such as opening school fetes and hosting garden parties.
And, it seems you can leave your principles at the gatehouse.
A boofhead who loves the sound of his own gob flapping, Butler says he will be circumspect in his new role.
“My days of directly attacking politicians and the Government are, for the time being, over,” he said.
Somehow, I doubt that. Just wait for all the luvvies from the ABC and SMH to begin ringing Tassie’s Gov House every time they can attach the remotest skerrick of Butler relevance to an opportunity to hurt the hated Howard. The conceited prick won’t be able to help himself.
There’s mischief afoot here, perhaps. Butthead was appointed by Tasmanian Labor premier, Jim “Eggzn” Bacon, a former operator with the outlawed Builders Laborers’ Federation and a Monash Uni Maoist of the 60s.
But then, Butler had expressed interest in getting aboard Federal Labor. After the Cheryl Kernot fiasco, party heavies were no doubt desperate for a secure holding place for such a loose cannon.

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blog snobbery   18/8/2003

Following the lead of the wise and witty Matt Hayden (not the cricketer) I just connected up to Blogsnob. As far as I can gather once you register with Blogsnob, every time you log on or refresh your page, you are linked to another registree at Blogsnob. Presumably another member is viewing my site as I type. Haven’t come across any earth-shatterers yet but gawd, there’s some sick little self-obsessed key pounders out there. Think I know what happened to the Alanis Morrisette fan club after she faded from the radar.
Hopefully, before long I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

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From the lookout tower   

Alan ”Angry” Anderson, who’s never afraid of the tough consideration has come across some startling intelligence that will have alarm bells ringing at the sight of a mullah in the mulga.

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Ancient hack   17/8/2003

Apropos of nothing, I cycled this morning around the Geelong foreshore. As mentioned in earlier posts, one of the rejuvenated waterfront’s attractions is a series of statues of Geelong historical characters, created by artist Jan Mitchell from old wharf pylons. This bollard represents James Harrison, founding editor of the Geelong Advertiser. Jimmy launched the paper in 1838 and did well as a scribbler. He was also an inventor and developed one of the first refrigeration systems. However, he didn’t refine his prototype sufficiently and when a consignment of meat bound for England arrived rancid, Harrison’s invention received a cool response. But he’d done the ground work on which others were to succeed. Pretty much the same situation at the paper, I suspect.
mildura trip 008.jpg

Here’s Jimmy!

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Suspicious   16/8/2003

That wisp curling up from the desert, could it be from an elusive smoking gun?
WorldNetDaily reports that Israeli intelligence has identified what are believed to be Iraqi weapons of mass destruction goods in Hezbollah-controlled Lebanon.

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incisive   

Imre Salusinszky has one of the sharpest political minds going round. He’s also very funny. He thinks Paul Keating and John Hewson are the conjoined twins of loser politics who can’t hold a candle to their nemises. Excerpt:
Asked once why he would not be issuing an official apology to Aborigines for their dispossession and suffering, Howard remarked that those who insisted he do so were refusing to acknowledge that there could be such a thing as a conservative position on reconciliation.
It was one of the most telling things he ever said.
Extend the insight, and you’ve begun to explain the overheated response of the Left to the effects of the conservative social agenda in areas from refugee policy to gay marriage: moral panic.
It is these issues themselves, not a particular position on them, that the Left feels it owns.

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Turf tips   

Dire run on the punt lately, with the only collect being a $17.50 trifecta on the Ballarat dogs on Wednesday. And that was a mystery bet! However, Magic Mick Manley is pretty chirpy today about his chances, so I’ll rely on his considerations to get back among the winners.
Mick likes BUNREBA (Moonee Valley, Race 5, No.5) and STORM ATTACK (Moonee Valley Race 7, No.5).

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Good and awful   15/8/2003

When The Age is good, it can be exceptional. And when this occurs it is often because of the work of an outsider like Sandy Guy. Guy’s campaign on behalf of her child against public policy idiots deserves the support of all rational citizens.

Michael Scammell’s another guest at The Age who excells. He artfully exposes the arrogance, hypocrisy and sheer stupidity of lefty scribblers in their reaction to Arnold Schwartzegger’s tilt at governership.

Enough plaudits. The Age, when left to its own resources, can be downright woeful. Viz, it’s front page lead headline a fortnight back which trumpeted a budget “defict”.
Today, reporter Jamie Berry and sub-editors commit the worst sin in journalism, not knowing the basics about their patch. Reporting on some under-age kids knocking off a car and crashing it in Melbourne city, Berry (correcting my earlier post) writes the accident occurred after the the car failed to stop “at the intersection of Flinders Street and St Kilda Road.”
Impossible. Flinders Street runs parallel to the north bank of the Yarra. St Kilda Road begins on the south bank of the Yarra.
The accident occurred at the intersection of Flinders and Swanston streets, arguably the busiest and best known intersection in Melbourne.

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